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"If the heart is always searching
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone
I'll never make it on my own
Dreams can't take the place of loving you
There's got to be a million reasons why it’s true
When you look me in the eyes
And tell me that you love me
When you're right here by my side
When you look me in the eyes
I catch a glimpse of heaven
I find my paradise
When you look me in the eyes."
"When You Look Me In The Eyes" by the Jonas Brothers
Cam knocked on Jessie’s door, and waited. Her car wasn’t in the drive, but he figured she might have pulled it into the garage. It was after he had knocked a second time that he noticed Bertie coming across the yard. The look on her face had him stepping off the porch to meet her halfway.
"Colonel Mitchell, have you talked to Jessie in the last hour or so?"
"No. I was with her at work earlier today…"
Bertie shook her head, interrupting. "She took off almost an hour ago. I just happened to be out on the porch when she left. She was crying, and her hair was wet, like she had just gotten out of the shower."
Cam pushed down the initial rush of panic he felt. He pulled out his phone and dialed Jessie’s cell. When the first couple of rings went unanswered, he turned to Bertie.
"Do you remember which way she went?"
Bertie pointed down the street. "That way, which I thought was odd. She always uses the east entrance into the neighborhood, never the west."
Cam pulled out a pen and jotted down his number, handing it to Bertie.
"This is my cell. If Jessie shows up, call me. I’m going to go check a couple of places where she might have gone."
Bertie nodded. "Colonel? I’ve known Jessie ever since she moved here. She’s a real levelheaded young woman, not flighty at all. Something had to of really upset her for her to take off like that."
"I know, Bertie."
Before Cam pulled out of the drive, he called both Sam and Casey, checking to see if Jessie had shown up. After receiving assurances they would call him if she did, he headed to the one place he thought Jessie might be.
Cam drove the winding road slowly. The moon was high in the sky, but there were no city lights in this area, and the last thing he wanted to do was run off the road. Jessie had brought him up here a while back, mentioning it was her favorite place when she wanted some quiet time just to think. He was hoping his hunch was right, and this was where she had gone. Paying close attention, he finally saw the turn off. Taking it, he drove a little ways until it opened up into a small parking area, and Cam breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Jessie’s car. Pulling in beside it, he shut off the engine and got out, taking the footpath that led to a grassy clearing. Thankful for the full moon, it didn’t take him long to find her. She was sitting in the grass on the far side, where the view allowed one to look down over the city.
He heard her sniffle, but she didn’t answer. Walking over, he slowed as he came up beside her.
"Jessie, what’s wrong?"
She said something, but he wasn’t able to make it out. Moving closer, he sat down.
"Sweetie, talk to me."
Jessie finally turned, looking at him with tear-filled eyes. "Just go away, Cam."
He was quiet for a moment before he answered. "Ain’t gonna happen."
She turned back towards the lookout point, holding her head with one hand.
"You wanna tell me what’s wrong?"
One tear rolled down her cheek as she continued to look at the lights below them. "All I wanted to do was fit in, be accepted as a normal person." She took a shaky breath before continuing. "I…I thought, when I got the offer to work at the SGC, that maybe I had finally found a place where I wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb. Then I go and fuck up, not paying attention." Jessie wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. "Getting captured by Kaitsenko…not even fighting back. No one else would have made such a stupid mistake. And now…" The tears slipped down her cheeks once more.
"I’m going to continue paying for that mistake. It’s never going to go away."
"Jessie, what are you talking about? We all make mistakes. You learn from them, and you go on. No one’s gonna hold that against you."
"This is different."
It took her a moment to answer him, fighting against a new wave of tears. "That thing on my back."
"Darlin’, I’ve got plenty of scars from stupid mistakes I’ve made," he said jokingly, trying to get her to smile.
Jessie shook her head. "Not like this one," she whispered.
‘Why would she be so upset about a scar?’ he wondered. "Can I take a look?"
Jessie was staring off into the distance, but she nodded her head.
Cam scooted around behind her, and moved her hair aside. The sundress she was wearing was elasticized around the top edge, so he eased it down her arms until he could see what had upset her so much. The moon illuminated her fair skin, casting a silvery glow to the scar. Cam ran his finger over the perfect circle. Even though it appeared to be raised, the skin he touched was soft and smooth. However, the circle now had a new addition—two distinct lines, forming the glyph that appeared on all Stargates—the symbol for Earth.
He was quiet for a moment, trying to think of exactly what to say. "You know what I see?" he asked softly. "I see an incredible woman." He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her shoulder. "You’re compassionate. And strong." He heard her snort of derision. "Just because you weren’t able to physically beat Kaitsenko doesn’t mean a damned thing. You have any idea how many times I’ve gotten my ass kicked? If I measured my success by my winning a fight, I would have given up a long time ago. And not only me—you ask any member of SG-1, or any of the other teams for that matter, and they’ll tell you they’ve lost a battle or two. You can’t let one single encounter define who you are, or what you can do. You can’t give up. If we did that, none of the Stargate teams would exist."
He stroked his fingers lightly over the scar. "This happened. And I hate to say it, but if you stick with SG-7, you’re probably going to end up with more scars. It just goes with the territory." He chose his next words carefully. "And yes, this does look like the symbol for Earth. I’m thinking it’s from the incisions Janet made to remove that thing. The healing device was able to fade the central scar, but it didn’t make it go away. More than likely the scars from the incisions have become more visible." Cam kissed the back of her head. "You can have Janet take a look, see what she thinks if it’ll make you feel better."
He felt Jessie’s body relax a little. "God, I’m psychotic."
Cam chuckled. "No, you’re not. You went on that mission today, and you’re still recovering from your injuries. Your reserves are a little low, and that can make things seem worse than they really are."
Easing her top back up over her shoulders, he moved until he was in front of her. Holding her face in his hands, he wiped away her tears with a sweep of his thumbs. "You’re a beautiful, intelligent woman." He placed a kiss on her cheek. "A little stubborn, maybe a bit pigheaded."
"Pigheaded?" she said indignantly.
He grinned back at her. "I said a bit. But you know what I really see? I see the woman that I love." With that, he gently kissed her.
Jessie’s breath caught in her throat. Thinking she must have misunderstood him, she stammered, "You…you love me?"
With a smile, he caressed her ears with his fingers. "Don’t tell me your hearing is starting to go." Laughing at her expression, he said, "Yes, Jessie, I love you."
Jessie felt her throat tighten up. She could see it in his eyes, how he felt about her—it had been there for a while, but she had refused to even consider the possibility out of self-preservation. Faced with it now, though, that last wall began to crumble, and how she felt about him broke through the defenses she had kept in place for so long. Swallowing against the lump in her throat, Jessie said the words she had sworn she’d never say to anyone again. "I…I love you, too, Cam," she whispered.
They sat staring at each other for a minute, the realization of what had just happened sinking in. Cam closed the distance between them, kissing her gently as the night’s sounds echoed around them.
The day’s events forgotten, along with her problematic scar, Jessie focused her complete attention on Cam. Pulling back slightly, she brought her hands up and caressed his face, almost as if she were learning the lines and planes for the very first time. He closed his eyes as her fingertips brushed his eyelashes, lingering for a moment before moving down to stroke the curve of his cheekbones. Her thumbs followed the contour of his lips, and when she glanced back up she found he was watching her intently. She cupped his face in her hands.
"Such beautiful eyes," she whispered as she leaned in and kissed him, teasing him until he opened his lips, letting her taste him.
Those blue eyes had darkened considerably by the time she pulled away. Taking one look at him, she knew what she wanted, and reaching out she began to unbutton his shirt.
Cam stopped her by wrapping his hand around hers. "You wanna head on back to the house?"
Jessie shook her head. "No. I want to make love with you, here."
Glancing up, he took in the full moon, along with the star-filled sky, which they could actually see as they were far from the city lights. Looking back at her, he smiled.
"Stay here. I’ll be right back."
Cam disappeared down the footpath, only to return a few minutes later, a blanket in hand. Spreading it over the grass, he sat down on it, taking a moment to remove his boots before pulling her into his arms. Finding her mouth with his, he kissed her tenderly, nothing harsh, nothing rushed. They ended up lying on their sides, facing each other, content for the moment to do nothing else but kiss. After a while, though, Cam felt Jessie reach for his shirt again, her nimble fingers slipping each button free, until he felt the night air caressing his chest, along with her fingertips.
He sat up just long enough to slip the shirt off, before turning back to her. Reaching up, he brushed her hair to the side, letting his fingers trail lightly along her neck, tracing her collarbone, skimming over her shoulder. His fingertips followed the top edge of soft cotton fabric back to the center, brushing ever so softly over the exposed skin, the slight swell hinting at what lay beneath. Using just the pads of his fingers, he drew them over the outer curve of her breast, watching as her nipple tightened in response beneath the thin fabric. When she reached for him he shook his head, holding her gaze with his own as he stroked again, this time a little closer to that sensitive bud. He smiled when she whimpered.
"You want me to touch you, Jessie?" he asked softly, still stroking everywhere except her nipple, which was pebbled beneath the cotton, begging for attention.
He drew his hand over to her other breast, teasing around the nipple until it, too, was jutting against the fabric.
"I think in order for me to do that properly, we need to get this dress off you. Is that okay?"
Jessie nodded her head, not trusting her voice at the moment.
Cam sat up and slid his fingers beneath the elastic of her dress, slowly drawing it down her shoulders, over her breasts to her waist, waiting until she raised her hips so he could slide it free of her body. Wanting to see her completely, he reached up and removed her lace panties as well.
Kneeling beside her, Cam took a moment to look at Jessie. He had seen her nude before, but never as she was at that moment. With the darkness of the blanket and the silvery cast of the moon, her skin took on an almost translucent quality. His gaze traveled up the length of her legs to the curve of her hips, the play of silver and shadow highlighting her taut waist and the soft swell of her breasts. Looking at her, the sensual fullness of her lips, the delicate structure of her face, and those beautiful green eyes, he was taken aback by what was in front of him.
"My God," he murmured, "this is what wars are started over."
To her dying day, Jessie would never forget that. Said by anyone else, it could have been a cheap pickup line, but looking at Cam and seeing the genuine awe in his expression, it was the most profound compliment she would ever receive.
Sitting up, Jessie moved until she was kneeling in front of him. With a hand on his waist, she moved closer until their torsos were barely touching, the sensation of his hair brushing against her nipples causing her to close her eyes, feeling the warmth of his body in front, the night breeze on her back. She felt his mouth touch hers, the lightest brush of his tongue as he tasted her lips, then withdrawing, before doing it again. Jessie opened her eyes to find Cam watching her, another brush of his tongue, another taste. Not taking her eyes from his, she parted her lips, her tongue meeting his, coaxing, teasing, while her hands trailed down to his belt, tugging the leather free from the buckle. It wasn’t long before he felt the waistband loosen and the slow tug as she lowered the zipper.
"Stand up," she whispered against his lips.
Doing as he was told, he felt Jessie slide the fabric down over his hips, a steady pull until his pants pooled around his ankles. Stepping from them, he started to kneel back down with her, but felt her hands press against his thighs.
Cam made a slight hissing sound as Jessie used her tongue and lips to tease his balls, her hands still on his thighs. He didn’t think it was possible for him to grow any harder, but seeing her at his feet, her arousal evident in her eyes as she suckled on the sensitive skin of his sac, he did. He fisted his hand loosely in her hair as she ran her tongue along the underside of his shaft, rubbing it back and forth slowly beneath the head before taking him in her mouth and nursing on the turgid flesh.
"Jessie," he groaned, resisting the urge to thrust into her mouth.
Holding his shaft firmly in one hand, she leaned back until her lips were barely brushing against the swollen head. "Please, Cam," she whispered, before licking slowly around one side, then the other. "I want to feel you in my mouth." Another lick. "Just for a little bit."
There was no way in hell he was going to say no to the woman he loved when she asked like that. Cam experienced equal parts of pleasure and torment as he watched her kneeling in front of him, her eyes never leaving his as she slowly suckled his cock, her lips and tongue moving in a sensuous dance over the sensitive flesh. When it got to the point he couldn’t take it any longer, he tightened his grip in her hair, gently pulling her away. Seeing her pout, he gave her a look as he knelt down by her, not relinquishing his hold on her hair.
"You are way too good at that," he said in a slightly strained voice. When she went to move closer to him, he kept her at arm’s length, using her hair to gently guide her into a lying position.
"Gotta give me a minute, sweetheart," he said as he moved over her, making sure she wasn’t touching him. "I don’t want this to be over yet." Leaning forward, he rested his forehead between her breasts, taking a few deep breaths, tamping down the overwhelming urge to mount her. He knew if he did that now, there would be no way he could take her slowly and gently, and that’s how he wanted this time to be, showing her with his body exactly how he felt about her. Breathing in, her scent taunted his senses, a subtle combination of roses and musk, along with a woman’s arousal. Dragging his mouth over the swell of her breast, he took her nipple in between his lips, tugging at it gently, taking care to keep his tongue and teeth from making contact. Between the heat of his breath and the pull of his lips, it didn’t take long before Jessie was squirming beneath him.
Jessie threaded her fingers through his hair, applying subtle pressure, trying to encourage more contact.
"Cam," she said, arching her back. "Mmmmm…"
Smiling to himself, he blew lightly across the pink flesh, causing it to tighten further.
A sound that closely resembled a growl came from her throat. Looking down at him, she said, "You’re driving me crazy."
The look on his face caused goose bumps to form along her skin. "This?" he asked as he nudged her nipple with his lower lip. "This is nothing, darlin’. One of these days, I’ll show you exactly what’ll drive you crazy."
Her response was lost when he finally fastened his mouth around that sensitive bud and drew it into his mouth, alternating between nursing and nibbling lightly with his teeth. He took his time, enjoying the way her body writhed beneath him as he played with her. As he started to scoot down lower, he felt Jessie grab his arms.
"Cam, please," she whispered, trying to guide him up over her.
He shook his head, smiling down at her. "Not yet, Jessie." He moved down between her legs. "I want to feel you in my mouth," he murmured, turning her words back on her. "Just for a little bit." Keeping his touch subtle, he alternately kissed and licked her, using his lips to tease the sweet swell of her clit. He suckled on that little bundle of nerves, just enough to arouse, but nowhere near what she needed to attain an orgasm. Cam waited until her hips were moving in time to his ministrations before rising up and settling over her, his erection coming to rest at the juncture of her thighs.
Jessie slipped one hand around Cam’s back, the other cradling his cheek as he looked down on her, and the muscles shifted in his arms as he supported his body above hers. She felt the pressure of his head at her entrance, her juices already coating him, her body more than ready to accept him, but instead of pushing forward, he held that position. He closed the distance between them and gave her a very soft, very tender kiss, before raising his head and looking into her eyes.
"I love you, Jessica. I wanted to say it sooner, but I had to wait…until you were ready."
Jessie felt the tears prick her eyes. How on earth she ended up with such a considerate and passionate man, she had no idea, but she knew that she didn’t want to let him go. She stroked her fingers through his hair.
"I love you, Cam. What you see in me, I have no idea. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you, but I’m a very lucky woman." Moving her other hand to his lower back, she pressed gently, tilting her hips up as he entered her body. She bit back a gasp, always slightly amazed at how much her body stretched to accommodate him. The rhythm he took up was slow and gentle, and she matched her movements to his, her hands stroking softly over his body, her legs coming up to wrap around his waist. They kissed and whispered to one another as the excitement slowly built, but it wasn’t something to be rushed. Not this time.
Cam could feel Jessie’s inner muscles starting to tighten. He adjusted his position to where he was rocking against her clit with each slow thrust, knowing that extra stimulation would eventually send her over the edge. He felt her jerk in response, instinctively wanting to speed up the thrusts.
"Shhhh," he murmured, "easy, Jessie. Stay with me…just…like…this."
Jessie raised her eyes to his, and her breath caught in her throat. She had never seen such an intense desire as she saw in his eyes at that moment, and realized just how tightly he was hanging on to his self-control.
"That’s it, baby," he whispered. "Just relax, let it build slow." He maintained the steady rhythm of his thrusts.
The sensations were getting intense, and she started to close her eyes.
"No," he breathed against her mouth. "Keep your eyes open, sweetheart. I want to see you come."
Locking her eyes with his, she struggled to do as he asked, tightening her arms around him, fighting to stay in time with him.
"Cam," she whimpered, "god, I’m so close."
"I know, baby. Just a little more, and you’ll be there."
She made a conscious effort to relax, concentrating on the sensation of his cock moving inside her, the tight stretch as she took him in completely. That combined with the repeated bumping against her clit caused the first tickle of orgasm, which slowly grew with each stroke he directed between her legs.
"Cam," she gasped. "I…I’m gonna…"
Cam concentrated his thrusts a little higher, purposefully rubbing against the sensitive area along the front of her passage. "That’s it, Jessie. Just let go, baby."
With that he felt her body clamp down hard on him, her orgasm ripping through her with an intensity he hadn’t felt before. Her back arched, effectively pressing her harder against him. He held on as long as he could, staying with the exact same rhythm until she was almost past her peak. His own orgasm crashed over him, and thrusting hard against her, he pumped his seed into her body.
They lay intertwined together for a while, before Cam became aware of faint tremors running through Jessie’s body. Raising his head, he saw that she was crying.
"Jessie, honey, what’s wrong? "
"Nothing…nothing’s wrong. It was just so…I’ve never felt anything like that before." Jessie wiped her face. "God, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying."
Cam kissed her tenderly and smiled at her. "Shhhh. It’s okay. Sometimes when the orgasm’s that strong, it’s a little overwhelming." He brushed her hair from her forehead. "Just as long as I didn’t hurt you."
Jessie reached up, caressing his face. "No, you didn’t. That was…incredible."
Cam kissed her one more time, smiling down at her. "I love you, Jessie."
"I love you, too, Cam."
They lay together in each other’s arms for quite a while after that, their only companions being the moonlit night and the star-shrouded sky. Everything else could wait until tomorrow.
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