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A Promise Kept

Jessie sat in her chair, the lone desk lamp the sole source of illumination in the room. The only sound was an occasional tiny metallic clink as she methodically tossed paperclips into a ceramic cup, mission files pushed haphazardly into the corner. She didn’t feel like working but she didn’t want to leave the mountain, either, until the gang returned from their impromptu revisit of Herboren. She had spent quite some time with Janet, going through knowledge assessments that ranged from the basics to expert. While she could recall quite accurately the steps of human reproduction, the knowledge she possessed was strictly derived from the written word; she had absolute zero recall of practical experience. Aside from that deficit, her memory appeared to be intact. So lost was she in her thoughts, she didn’t hear the footsteps approaching.

Cam stopped in the doorway, his attention focused on the young woman sitting at the desk. The slight slump of her shoulders gave a hint of her dejected mood. Even so, there was still a…lightness…to her that hadn’t been there before the ritual. Whether he could convince her this turn of events was a good thing remained to be seen.

"How you doing?"

Jessie jumped slightly, shaken out of her reverie by Cam’s voice. She shrugged her shoulders. "Besides feeling like the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz, you mean?"

Cam grabbed the folding chair next to the door and brought it over to her desk, straddling it as he rested his forearms across the back of it. "Scarecrow?"

Her eyebrow arched minutely. "Yeah, you know, ‘if I only had a brain’?"

He chuckled softly. "Your brain is just fine, Jessie."

"That’s a matter of interpretation." She fell silent for a moment. "You find out anything from Kanathia?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. But I don’t think this is the best place to talk about it. You ready to get out of here?"

Jessie sighed. "Sure. Lord knows I’m not getting anything done." She dumped the rest of the paper clips into the cup before grabbing her purse and jacket. "I’ll let you drive, just in case something else is missing from my cerebellum we don’t know about."

The Jason’s Deli takeout bag sat discarded beside Jessie’s coffee table, serving as an impromptu trash receptacle for the discarded wrappers. Sitting cross-legged on the floor, they spread the items out on the table. Despite the events of the last day, Jessie found her appetite was intact as she savored a bowl of the deli’s spicy seafood gumbo along with some oyster crackers. Cam had opted for the club sandwich along with a cup of the tomato basil soup. Jessie had been in mid-bite when Cam relayed the latest information.

"Kanathia said, and I quote, ‘sometimes acts that were done with a purity of heart, done out of love, will eventually be remembered’."

Setting her spoon down, she reached for her coffee. "Sometimes? So there’s no guarantee that any of my memories will return."

"From what she told us it varies with each person; usually the only things remembered are acts that happened with the betrothed." He could tell she was still upset and he reached across the table, taking her hand in his. "Jessie, trust me; this is a good thing. You won’t have to deal with the memories of what happened between you and Kutkh, or John for that matter."

Jessie focused on the hand that was holding hers, trying to articulate why she was upset by this ‘gift’. "I understand what you’re saying, but…" Her lips trembled slightly as she fought to control her emotions.

"Talk to me, Jessie. What’s wrong?"

"There…there’s so much I don’t remember. I mean, I’m happy I don’t remember my time as a Goa’uld slave…ecstatic, really, after reading the mission report, abbreviated as it was. It’s just…" She hung her head for a second, before raising her gaze to his. "I don’t remember ever being with you. My memories have had huge parts of them carved out of my brain. I remember the mission to Nanda, but don’t remember anything after the banquet. I remember us going out on dates, spending evenings together, but then it just goes blank. There are parts…" Her voice wavered again, and it took her a moment to recover. "There are parts of when I was falling in love with you that I don’t remember. Things, how our relationship evolved that are just, poof, gone. It hurts to think that all those memories are lost. Even with the positives of not having to deal with the bad memories anymore, I’d rather have them than not being able to remember us…how we came together."

Cam got up off the floor and came around to Jessie, sitting down beside her before enfolding her in his arms. She was trying not to cry, and he did his best to soothe her. "Shhhh," he said quietly, just holding her against him, comforting her. "I know this is hard on you, and looking at it from your perspective I know it’s frustrating as well as confusing." He slowly stroked the palm of his hand down her back, and felt her begin to relax with the soothing gesture. "Looking at it from where I am, though, it’s a blessing. What you went through before, it traumatized you, more so than I think you even realized. Physically one could see it—that sparkle in your eyes, the light that’s there—it was gone. The weight you carried from those experiences was crushing your spirit." He moved his hand up to her hair, brushing the soft waves away from her face. "Could you have healed from it? I think, eventually, yes. But I don’t think it would have ever been completely gone. There are some experiences that leave scars on your soul, and while they made fade they’re always there. What happened on Herboren, how Thoyetlini’s prophecy was fulfilled, it erased those scars. Yes, it’s frustrating not being able to remember certain things you want to remember, but I think it’s a small price to pay compared to the pain I saw in your eyes." He kissed her temple softly. "Sweetie, I’m sure you’ll remember us together, eventually. Kanathia said the stronger the connection between two people, the more those memories return." Taking her hand, he placed it against his chest over his heart. "You’ve always been right here, Jess, and I have our memories right here. It may take some time, but I’ll help you remember them, too." He pressed his lips against her forehead in a soft kiss. Stroking his finger over her engagement ring, he asked, "You still want to marry me, right?"

She looked at him with a slightly confused expression. "Yes, of course…as if you even need to ask that question. I may have partial amnesia, but I haven’t completely lost my mind." Her brow furrowed. "You haven’t changed your mind, have you?"

"No, not at all. I’m just thinking maybe we should do it sooner rather than later."

Jessie raised her eyebrows a fraction. "It, as in getting married…"

Cam couldn’t hide his mischievous grin. "Yes, as in getting married. I’d like to make an honest woman of you first before we get to…other things." His gaze came to rest on her mouth.

Jessie started to say something, but had to take a second to remember what she wanted to say, the rush of warmth momentarily confusing her. "You want to wait until after we’re married?" Her voice rose minutely with the incredulity of her question.

"Yes." Cam knew he should behave himself, but it was too tempting of a situation. Leaning in, he pressed his lips to the curve of her cheek in a chaste kiss, knowing full well it would have the opposite effect on her.

Jessie tried to draw a sense of calm from her familiar surroundings. The lighting was low, though, and a languorous warmth was beginning to spread through her.

Cam gave in to the imp that was prodding him. "You don’t remember…anything…at all?"

She drew in a slow, deep breath, then let it out. "I don’t remember actually…doing…anything. I have knowledge of things that I’ve read, but no memory of anything I’ve done."

"So, you could recount anatomy and biology 101, and get an A?"

Jessie grinned at his analogy. A little self-conscious, she turned away from him slightly. "I could get an A, yes."

Cam moved until he was sitting behind her, but close enough to sense the warmth of her body. Reaching out, he lightly stroked the back of his hand down her upper arm. "But no practical knowledge." He could see goosebumps form along the curve of her neck at his touch, as well as the minute shake of her head. "No memories of me touching you?" he whispered softly next to her ear, causing the goosebumps to become more pronounced.

She tried to defuse the growing sexual tension with her knee-jerk humor. "I’m dealing with Swiss cheese syndrome of the brain. Huge gaps of…nothing."

"Hmmm."

It almost sounded like a purr, and Jessie crossed her arms over her chest, instinctively shielding her response to him. She shrugged in what she hoped was a nonchalant fashion. "If you want, we could go ahead and…you know. That way we wouldn’t have to worry about the wedding night."

Cam was glad he was behind her, as he was able to hide his smile while he softly kissed the back of her head. She was telling him much more than she realized; the heat he could feel from her skin, though he wasn’t actually touching her, as well as the slight waver of her voice, belay her façade of detachment.

"You worried about the wedding night?" he asked softly, stroking her arm with the back of his fingers once again.

Her body shifted slightly, but she stayed where she was. "Well, like I said, Swiss cheese syndrome here. I’ll more than likely end up disappointing you..." Her voice trailed off with that last pronouncement, but Cam recognized it for what was bothering her most.

"Is that what you’re worried about? Disappointing me?" He reached out and turned her until she faced him.

"I’m sure if my brain didn’t have tunnels tracking through it, I’d be able to come up with a more eloquent response, but as it is…duh!"

Try as he might, he couldn’t hold back his laughter any longer, which in turn torqued her more. "Jessie, honey, I’m sorry." Wiping his eyes, he fought to catch his breath. "I don’t know what’s more funny—you worried about disappointing me, as if that could ever happen, or the ‘duh’."

Silently seething, Jessie pressed her lips together in a thin line as she started to get up off the floor. She didn’t get far, though, as Cam grasped her arm firmly. He pulled her into his embrace, wrapping his arms around her as he held her close. "As far as the wedding night, trust me…you won’t disappoint me." Placing his hands on her upper arms, Cam waited until she raised her gaze to his. His mischievous grin was back. "In fact, I rather enjoy the role of being a teacher, especially when I have such an apt pupil under my tutelage." He placed his finger to her lips when she began to protest. "And we will wait until then. We’ve been given a gift, a second chance that few ever get. I want to honor that…" His gaze dropped to her lips, which he traced with his fingertip as he finished quietly, "…as much as possible."

It took Jessie a few seconds to find her voice, given the way Cam was looking at her. "As much as possible?" She was surprised it didn’t come out as a squeak, as much as her throat had constricted.

"Well, there are things that might help jog your memory."

Reaching out, he cradled her cheek in the palm of his hand before he leaned in, fitting his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. Cam wasn’t quite sure what he expected—maybe a stiffening on her part, a drawing back or pulling away. He didn’t expect the soft warmth of her lips to linger on his, the way she relaxed into his kiss as if it was the most natural thing in the world. There was no hesitation, just a complete openness that took his breath away.

Jessie wasn’t quite sure what she had expected, but the duality of what she felt was a bit odd. There were all the accompanying sensations of a first kiss, yet it was also familiar at the same time. She welcomed the embrace, relaxed into it just as little snapshots began to flicker in her mind, almost like a home movie on an old projector. Snippets of them together, talking, laughing, and sharing kisses just like the one they were experiencing real time played out behind her closed eyes. Jessie could have stayed lost in that moment, watching those scenes, but the images stopped when Cam pulled back slightly, breaking the contact. Her eyes wide, she focused on him as she drew in a shaky breath. "Wow," she said in a whisper.

Going by her expression, Cam was already certain of her answer before he asked the question. "You remember anything?"

Jessie nodded, silent at first. "It’s…it’s like seeing photos, or watching a movie. Little flashes of…us…kissing."

The smile he gave her was one of pure joy. "See? I knew the memories of us were there. It may take time, but they’ll resurface." Reaching out, he brought her hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on the back of it.

She couldn’t help but smile at him in return. Maybe things would turn out all right after all. Maybe.

At Cam’s urging, Jessie contacted Uncle Shay the following day. After assuring him the reason for expediency wasn’t her being pregnant, he was able to work in their wedding a week before Christmas. She gave the same reassurances to her mother when she called to let her know of their plans. It didn’t give them a lot of time to prepare, but since she had always envisioned a small wedding, it was doable. With that done, the timetable was set into motion and the countdown to the wedding began.

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